By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
