Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
