so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
