Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
