I just saw a hot homeless man
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
