I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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