that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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