idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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