it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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