What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
