You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
