just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
