Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
