Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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