i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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