Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
