Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your penis caused this!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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