all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
