there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
