Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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