...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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