Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Acid is not a monday night drug
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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