In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
