Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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