help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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