At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
