My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
