I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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