I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
