We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
