Whod you bang
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
