You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
