dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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