I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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