oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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