Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
