You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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