Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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