If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
