wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
