I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
