He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
