im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
