Im at strip club and am horny
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
