she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
