I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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