In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
