Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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