before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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