Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
