Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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